Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
Crazy & Funny
Crazy & Funny quotes and status updates.
234 items
Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they won't even bother to read what's inside.
Boys think of girls like books, if the cover doesn't catch their eyes, they won't even bother to read what's inside.
Dear math, stop asking to find your x, she's not coming back.
Dear math, stop asking to find your x, she's not coming back.
I'd like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word and Copy and Paste.
I'd like to thank the Internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word and Copy and Paste.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth.
Life is too short smile while you still have teeth.
For all the girls that say. All guys are the same. Who told you to try them all.
For all the girls that say. All guys are the same. Who told you to try them all.
If you can't find the key to success, pick the lock.
If you can't find the key to success, pick the lock.
I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.
I hate when people all of a sudden decide to be funny when I am drinking something.
Bitch is just a term used for the girl who refuses dog's proposal.
Bitch is just a term used for the girl who refuses dog's proposal.
If you don't care stop talking about it.
If you don't care stop talking about it.
Save water drink beer.
Save water drink beer.
Virginity is not dignity, it is just lack of opportunity.
Virginity is not dignity, it is just lack of opportunity.
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with windows.
Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with windows.
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?
I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
I used to like my neighbors until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, dream, discover.
I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day.
I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day.
You can never really say what's on your mind when your family is on Facebook.
You can never really say what's on your mind when your family is on Facebook.
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. Send him to KFC.
Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. Send him to KFC.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep, that's how you wash a cup.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it's wide use three fingers, make sure it's wet and rub up and down. Yep, that's how you wash a cup.
Girls are like parking spaces; all the good ones are already taken.
Girls are like parking spaces; all the good ones are already taken.
I am not addicted to WhatsApp. I only use it when I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, anytime, all the time.
I am not addicted to WhatsApp. I only use it when I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, anytime, all the time.
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is b negative.
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is b negative.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
How can I miss something I never had?
How can I miss something I never had?
It’s better to fail than to cheat but it’s better to cheat than to repeat.
It’s better to fail than to cheat but it’s better to cheat than to repeat.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
My bed is always extra comfortable when I need to get out of it in the morning.
Whoever says good morning on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.
Whoever says good morning on Monday’s deserves to get slapped.
Dear lol and ham, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.
Dear lol and ham, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.
I wake up when I can’t hold my pee in any longer.
I wake up when I can’t hold my pee in any longer.
Dear Google, please stop behaving like a girl. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.
Dear Google, please stop behaving like a girl. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing and suggesting.
Never apologize for being you.
Never apologize for being you.
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
If there is a will, there are 500 relatives.
If there is a will, there are 500 relatives.
The question I have not been able to answer is what. Does a woman want?
The question I have not been able to answer is what. Does a woman want?
Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
Dear Google, thank you for doing most of my homework for me.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
Never make the same mistake twice, there are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.
I know the door to your heart belongs to another, but I think I can slip in through the window.
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
It may look like I’m deep in thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food to eat later.
You can stay in my heart without paying the single penny.
You can stay in my heart without paying the single penny.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
I'm a good boy with bad habits.
I'm a good boy with bad habits.
Hey, you, yeah, I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
Hey, you, yeah, I’m talking to you, why the hell are you reading my status?
There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world. Huh…
There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world. Huh…
Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
I got to go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
I got to go to work today because millions of people on welfare depend on me.
Money can't buy love but can buy woman to make love
Money can't buy love but can buy woman to make love
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
Friday is my second favorite f-word.
Friday is my second favorite f-word.
Every time I drink I get awesome.
Every time I drink I get awesome.
It's funny how people judge other's mistakes while they also do the same thing.
It's funny how people judge other's mistakes while they also do the same thing.
GOD was showing off when he created you.
GOD was showing off when he created you.
Parachute for sale, used once, never opened.
Parachute for sale, used once, never opened.
If the school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking.
If the school has taught us anything, it's texting without looking.
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire.
If a college has taught us anything, it's texting without looking.
If a college has taught us anything, it's texting without looking.
Life is short, chat fast.
Life is short, chat fast.
If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady, not a dog
If a man whistles at you, don't turn around. You are a lady, not a dog
Dear lord, there is a bug in your software. It's called
Dear lord, there is a bug in your software. It's called
My father always told me, find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.
My father always told me, find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.
Here my dad comes on WhatsApp. From now on my status would be ***no status*** or just a smiley.
Here my dad comes on WhatsApp. From now on my status would be ***no status*** or just a smiley.
Life isn't about getting and having, it's about giving and being.
Life isn't about getting and having, it's about giving and being.
Caution, blind man driving.
Caution, blind man driving.
Our generation doesn't ring the doorbell...we text or call to say we're outside.
Our generation doesn't ring the doorbell...we text or call to say we're outside.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them is wearing pants?
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them is wearing pants?
I took an I.Q. test and the results were negative.
I took an I.Q. test and the results were negative.
I follow the quote, always be true to yourself because I only lie to others.
I follow the quote, always be true to yourself because I only lie to others.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
I am sure I have a defective iPhone, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on YouTube and the music stops loading.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on YouTube and the music stops loading.
GOD is really creative, I mean. Just look at me.
GOD is really creative, I mean. Just look at me.
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.
I always give 100% at work: 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday.
When does a woman say what? It’s not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
When does a woman say what? It’s not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
I really need 5 hours of Facebook to balance out my 5 minutes of studying.
A man asks a trainer in the gym: if want 2 impresses that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: use the ATM
A man asks a trainer in the gym: if want 2 impresses that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: use the ATM
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
I'm not short, I am just concentrated awesome.
I'm not short, I am just concentrated awesome.
Friends are forever until they get in a relationship.
Friends are forever until they get in a relationship.
It's not that I’m afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
It's not that I’m afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
You remind me of my Chinese friend. Ug-Lee.
You remind me of my Chinese friend. Ug-Lee.
When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy.
When people don't laugh at my jokes I just assume that they're not up to my level of comedy.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.
I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.
People who exercise live longer, but what's the point when those extra years are spent at the gym.
People who exercise live longer, but what's the point when those extra years are spent at the gym.
Relationship status: looking for a Wi-Fi connection.
Relationship status: looking for a Wi-Fi connection.
I look at people sometimes and think. Really? That's the sperm that won.
I look at people sometimes and think. Really? That's the sperm that won.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
Kiss me and you will see how important I am.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
Flirtationship: more than a friendship and less than a relationship.
Flirtationship: more than a friendship and less than a relationship.
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you, guys.
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you, guys.
My attitude depends on the people in front of me
My attitude depends on the people in front of me
Don't worry. GOD is always on time.
Don't worry. GOD is always on time.
Sorry. I'm not Rihanna. I don't love the way you lie.
Sorry. I'm not Rihanna. I don't love the way you lie.
People call me mike. You can call me tonight.
People call me mike. You can call me tonight.
Today's relationships: you can touch each other but not each other’s phones.
Today's relationships: you can touch each other but not each other’s phones.
If a single teacher can't teach all the subjects, then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
If a single teacher can't teach all the subjects, then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them.
Only fools fall in love and I guess I’m one of them.
Try to say the letter m without your lips touching.
Try to say the letter m without your lips touching.
Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off.
Phones are better than girlfriends, at least we can switch off.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Google must be a woman because it knows everything.
Google must be a woman because it knows everything.
After getting drunk, bachelor of technology turns into a master of philosophy.
After getting drunk, bachelor of technology turns into a master of philosophy.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either.
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Silence is the best answer to all questions and smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in viva and interview.
Silence is the best answer to all questions and smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in viva and interview.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lol.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. Lol.
Don't kiss behind the garden, love is blind but the neighbours are not.
Don't kiss behind the garden, love is blind but the neighbours are not.
I'll be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.
I'll be drunk when I wake up, on the right side of the wrong bed.
Gravity always gets me down.
Gravity always gets me down.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you are so damn funny.
I speak two languages, body and English.
I speak two languages, body and English.
In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Today has been canceled. Go back to bed.
Today has been canceled. Go back to bed.
Definition of the human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write save trees on the same paper.
Definition of the human being: a creature that cuts trees, makes paper and write save trees on the same paper.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage doesn't you think you've had enough.
Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage doesn't you think you've had enough.
I am so cool; my selfie is called a kulfi.
I am so cool; my selfie is called a kulfi.
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.
You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on.
I'm jealous of my parents. I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
I'm jealous of my parents. I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
Last seen 1980.
Last seen 1980.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He's dreaming too.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He's dreaming too.
I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them.
Most emotional moment in a boy’s life, when a girl says, can you give me your number.
Most emotional moment in a boy’s life, when a girl says, can you give me your number.
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me.
I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me.
I only need 3 things in life: food, Wi-Fi, sleep.
I only need 3 things in life: food, Wi-Fi, sleep.
Fact: phone on silent mode - 10 missed call. Turns volume too loud - nobody calls all day.
Fact: phone on silent mode - 10 missed call. Turns volume too loud - nobody calls all day.
There's no such thing as addiction, there are only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
There's no such thing as addiction, there are only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
At least mosquitoes are attracted to me.
At least mosquitoes are attracted to me.
Be careful of following the masses, remove them and who exactly are you following?
Be careful of following the masses, remove them and who exactly are you following?
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the weirdest hairdos.
I think I got a fever, a fever of you.
I think I got a fever, a fever of you.
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.
I'm not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
I'm not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
When a bird hits, your window has you ever wondered if GOD is playing angry birds with you?
When a bird hits, your window has you ever wondered if GOD is playing angry birds with you?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
Girls use photoshop to look beautiful. Boys use photoshop to show their creativity.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be I left one million dollars in the.
When I’m on my deathbed, I want my final words to be I left one million dollars in the.
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born and only stops when we take an exam or are in love.
The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours a day from the time we were born and only stops when we take an exam or are in love.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.
When I’m a pedestrian I hate cars. When I’m driving, I hate pedestrians?
When I’m a pedestrian I hate cars. When I’m driving, I hate pedestrians?
80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% are having the brain.
80% of boys have girlfriends. Rest 20% are having the brain.
I don't believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. Lol.
I don't believe that love comes to those who wait. Today love comes to those who flirt. Lol.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
If life doesn't scare the shit out of you, you're doing it wrong.
If life doesn't scare the shit out of you, you're doing it wrong.
Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
Quit your job, buy a ticket, get a train, fall in love and never return.
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.
Girls work on their looks but not their minds because they know boys are stupid, not blind.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore.
Every girl deserves one guy who looks at her every day like it's the first time he saw her. And I’m that one guy.
Every girl deserves one guy who looks at her every day like it's the first time he saw her. And I’m that one guy.
No, i didn’t trip the floor looked like it needed a hug.
No, i didn’t trip the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Please GOD if you can't make me slim, make my friends fat.
Please GOD if you can't make me slim, make my friends fat.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.
Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was always.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was always.
We are WTF generation. WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
We are WTF generation. WhatsApp, Twitter, and Facebook.
Totally available. Please disturb me.
Totally available. Please disturb me.
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
Who needs television when there is so much drama on Facebook.
Girl, you better have a license, because you are driving me crazy.
Girl, you better have a license, because you are driving me crazy.
Restaurant advertisement: we serve food as hot as your neighbor's wife, and beer as cold as your own.
Restaurant advertisement: we serve food as hot as your neighbor's wife, and beer as cold as your own.
In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan.
In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
We become what we think about.
We become what we think about.
If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror.
If you wish to avoid seeing a fool, you must break your mirror.
Dear food, either stops being so delicious or stop making me fat.
Dear food, either stops being so delicious or stop making me fat.
If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.
If my love for you is a crime, I want to be the most wanted criminal.
Admit it, you listen to other stranger’s conversations and mentally give your opinion.
Admit it, you listen to other stranger’s conversations and mentally give your opinion.
Behind every successful man. There is a confused woman.
Behind every successful man. There is a confused woman.
She loves me or not but I love her a lot.
She loves me or not but I love her a lot.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death.
My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death.
In bed, it's 6 are you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31
In bed, it's 6 are you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school it's 1:30, close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:31
My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
My name is I. My problem is love. My solution is you.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
Whatever it is, I didn't do it.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation
I love my job only when I’m on vacation
If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. Lol.
Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. Lol.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu and then look at neighboring table n wish you ordered that.
Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu and then look at neighboring table n wish you ordered that.
Milk does the body well but damns how much did you drink?
Milk does the body well but damns how much did you drink?
The person you love is 72.8% water.
The person you love is 72.8% water.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to push or pull.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to push or pull.
Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.
Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.
Dear sleep. I know we had problems when I was younger. But now I club bb you.
Dear sleep. I know we had problems when I was younger. But now I club bb you.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
Sometimes it’s better to bunk the class instead of attending it cause today went I look back, my marks never make me laugh but memories d.
Sometimes it’s better to bunk the class instead of attending it cause today went I look back, my marks never make me laugh but memories d.
Excuse me. Please empty your pockets. I think you stole my heart.
Excuse me. Please empty your pockets. I think you stole my heart.
Dear lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won't make a bad person.
Dear lord, all I ask for a chance to prove that winning the lottery won't make a bad person.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter. People the opposite.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter. People the opposite.
Newton's law of love: love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
Newton's law of love: love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
What do girls want? Everything.
What do girls want? Everything.
Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria Secrets Angels.
Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria Secrets Angels.
The only thing I gained so far in this year is weight.
The only thing I gained so far in this year is weight.
Warning, do you think it’s right time to talk to me?
Warning, do you think it’s right time to talk to me?
Diet rule #1: if nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
Diet rule #1: if nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
Everything funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.
Everything funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.
It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.
It is a sad fact that 20% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the remaining end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me.
The definition of a beautiful girl is one who loves me.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
Hey, there WhatsApp is using me.
Hey, there WhatsApp is using me.
How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
You can never buy love. But still, you have to pay for it.
You can never buy love. But still, you have to pay for it.
Flip a coin. If the head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine.
Flip a coin. If the head comes, I am yours, if tail comes then you are mine.
6 peg loading...
6 peg loading...
Running away does not help you with your problems unless you are fat.
Running away does not help you with your problems unless you are fat.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.
If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that’s where the knives are kept.
I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
I really want to work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun.
It's been 70+ years, tom. You're never going to eat jerry.
It's been 70+ years, tom. You're never going to eat jerry.
Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.
Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it's for your own good.
Dear mom and dad, when I lie to you, it's for your own good.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you're going to die.
Checking your symptoms on Google and accepting that fact that you're going to die.
If am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, anytime, all the time.
If am not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, this time, that time, anytime, all the time.
Brb = I don't want to talk to you. Lol = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don't care.
Brb = I don't want to talk to you. Lol = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don't care.
I like to study. Arithmetic - No. World History - No. Chemistry - No. Girls - Yes.
I like to study. Arithmetic - No. World History - No. Chemistry - No. Girls - Yes.
The most powerful words other than I love you is salary is credited.
The most powerful words other than I love you is salary is credited.
C.L.A.S.S - Come Late and Start Sleeping.
C.L.A.S.S - Come Late and Start Sleeping.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.