If there is no chocolate in heaven. I am not going.
If there is no chocolate in heaven. I am not going.
Food
Food quotes and status updates.
70 items
If you say you can't cook what you’re really saying is that you can't read and follow directions.
If you say you can't cook what you’re really saying is that you can't read and follow directions.
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I’ve got the milkshakes.
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I’ve got the milkshakes.
Television + food, it just goes together
Television + food, it just goes together
Dear vegetarians, if you love animals so much, then why do you keep eating all their food?
Dear vegetarians, if you love animals so much, then why do you keep eating all their food?
Food is my favorite. If I ever share it with you, then you're damn special.
Food is my favorite. If I ever share it with you, then you're damn special.
Nothing says I’ve already given up on this day quite like a taco bell breakfast.
Nothing says I’ve already given up on this day quite like a taco bell breakfast.
Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag.
Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag.
Celery is 95% water and 100%, not pizza.
Celery is 95% water and 100%, not pizza.
Eating popcorn: 80% during trailers. 20% During the movie.
Eating popcorn: 80% during trailers. 20% During the movie.
Eating an orange before working out not only keeps you hydrated but also keeps your muscles from getting sore
Eating an orange before working out not only keeps you hydrated but also keeps your muscles from getting sore
Like if you can't tell the difference between coke and Pepsi.
Like if you can't tell the difference between coke and Pepsi.
Ugh, I'm so full, who wants dessert? Me.
Ugh, I'm so full, who wants dessert? Me.
I just stepped on a cornflake. Now, I am officially a serial killer.
I just stepped on a cornflake. Now, I am officially a serial killer.
I'm the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
I'm the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
Of course, size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Of course, size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
You don't truly know someone until you get ridiculously drunk with them.
You don't truly know someone until you get ridiculously drunk with them.
The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%
The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%
That awkward moment when someone skinnier than you say I'm so fat. And you stand there like.
That awkward moment when someone skinnier than you say I'm so fat. And you stand there like.
When I hear, myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if other people can hear it too.
When I hear, myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if other people can hear it too.
Isn't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?
Isn't it weird that after 30,000 years of eating bread, everyone is gluten allergic now?
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Dear fridge, I will be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, hungry as hell.
Dear fridge, I will be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, hungry as hell.
I need pumpkin flavored everything.
I need pumpkin flavored everything.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I'm getting fat.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I'm getting fat.
I eat so much. I make fat kids look skinny.
I eat so much. I make fat kids look skinny.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they're fighting over the world's last Oreo.
My diabetic friend died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him sweet dreams.
My diabetic friend died in his sleep. I forgot to wish him sweet dreams.
Everything sucks, Except food.
Everything sucks, Except food.
The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.
The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.
Mom, can we go to McDonald's? There's food in the fridge. That's not what I asked.
Mom, can we go to McDonald's? There's food in the fridge. That's not what I asked.
Hiding your favorite food from the rest of your family because you're a selfish bitch.
Hiding your favorite food from the rest of your family because you're a selfish bitch.
Is there going to be food? Yeah, then I'm coming.
Is there going to be food? Yeah, then I'm coming.
All I want in life is to lose weight and gain money yet instead, here I am, gaining weight and losing money
All I want in life is to lose weight and gain money yet instead, here I am, gaining weight and losing money
Poor alcohol, it gets blamed for everything.
Poor alcohol, it gets blamed for everything.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald's doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald's doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Dear pringles, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness.
Dear pringles, I cannot fit my hand inside your tube of deliciousness.
Is there going to be food? Yeah ok, then I'm coming.
Is there going to be food? Yeah ok, then I'm coming.
Eat like every day is thanksgiving.
Eat like every day is thanksgiving.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, don't eat me. Now there's an empty plate and a note, don't tell me what to do.
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, don't eat me. Now there's an empty plate and a note, don't tell me what to do.
If you drink enough fluids in the morning, you will feel happier, sharper, and more energetic throughout the day.
If you drink enough fluids in the morning, you will feel happier, sharper, and more energetic throughout the day.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn't be called nachos.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn't be called nachos.
I'm so excited for valentine’s day all the chocolate is going to be on sale yay
I'm so excited for valentine’s day all the chocolate is going to be on sale yay
If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated French fries are gross.
If history has taught us anything, it's that reheated French fries are gross.
Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough.
Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough.
Thanks, chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don't need an appointment.
Thanks, chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don't need an appointment.
When you're stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backward is desserts.
When you're stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backward is desserts.
Arizona 99 cent drinks are the shit. Period.
Arizona 99 cent drinks are the shit. Period.
Really doesn't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining break-dancing and lunch?
Really doesn't get why people like brunch. What's the benefit of combining break-dancing and lunch?
We've solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
We've solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.
Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.
Stop complaining about being single on valentine’s day. We have bigger problems here, like why McDonald’s doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30
Stop complaining about being single on valentine’s day. We have bigger problems here, like why McDonald’s doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30
Hell, hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Hell, hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I want a hot body but I also want hot wings.
I want a hot body but I also want hot wings.
I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. The story of every person's life.
I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. The story of every person's life.
Just finished my 6-minute upper body workout it was easy: arm down, picks up food, arm up, put food in mouth, switch arms.
Just finished my 6-minute upper body workout it was easy: arm down, picks up food, arm up, put food in mouth, switch arms.
Men: uses love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I uses coupons to get pizza.
Men: uses love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I uses coupons to get pizza.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Alcohol, because no good story started with someone eating a salad.
Alcohol, because no good story started with someone eating a salad.
If you open your fridge and find nothing to eat, lower your standards.
If you open your fridge and find nothing to eat, lower your standards.
True beauty is within for example opening your fridge
True beauty is within for example opening your fridge
Are you at Starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I’ve never seen one before.
Are you at Starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I’ve never seen one before.
The only clubs I'm into are sandwiches.
The only clubs I'm into are sandwiches.
I don't trust people that dislike tacos.
I don't trust people that dislike tacos.
You cannot taste me until you undress me. Sincerely, banana.
You cannot taste me until you undress me. Sincerely, banana.
That moment when skinny people call themselves fat and you're heavier than them.
That moment when skinny people call themselves fat and you're heavier than them.
I disagree that hunger isn't an emotion. I feel it in my soul.
I disagree that hunger isn't an emotion. I feel it in my soul.
Dear food commercials, no one eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.
Dear food commercials, no one eats in slow motion with their eyes closed. Sincerely, normal people.
You can't buy happiness. But you can buy ice cream, which is kind of the same thing.
You can't buy happiness. But you can buy ice cream, which is kind of the same thing.